Survey
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Relationship Education
Knowing the facts is critical
There is not a parent reading this today that doesn't want what is best for their kids. Parents by nature are looking for the best ways to help their kids make right choices and avoid the pain of foolish ones. The big questions are:
"How do I point my kids in the right direction? How can I help them without making the choices for them? How do I equip them to one day make good choices for themselves?"
One of the most painful areas to discuss with and direct your teens to make right choices in is the area of sexuality. There are so many voices that are clamoring for our kids attention, add to that bodies that are experiencing new feelings in this area and our/their reluctance to honestly discuss these matters. The consequences of poor sexual choices are almost unbearable. Look at some of these statistics from the CDC (Center for Disease Control) in Atlanta.
Today:
- 8000 teens will contract an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease)
- 2700 Teen girls will get pregnant
- Almost 300 will be under the age of 14
- 1300 will get an abortion, which will leave emotional scars long after their bodies heal
- There are more than 60 STD's - just 40 years ago there were 2 - more than
- 20 of these STDs have no cure.
Add to this the easy access to free pornography on the internet, sexual predators and the like and we live in a very frightening world. But the news isn't all bad. There has been a significant drop in teen pregnancies in the past 10 years as well as underage sexual activity.
How can we help our teens make healthy choices in the area of sexuality?
Become educated about what is going on in their world. You were never their age! Yes, I know that you were 14 once, but you weren't 14 with free condoms handed out with the promise of safe sex. You weren't 16 with free internet porn available with just a few keystrokes. You weren't 15 with R and X rated movies available on TV. Did you ever have to look at thong underwear topping out of a girls jeans? While we were once their age, we were never exposed to their temptations. How do you learn what is happening? Watch what they watch, get on "My Space" and look around, pick up one teen magazine and read the articles. Ask them what life is like in their school.
Talk to some other parents about the temptations teens are facing. They might have an idea that worked with their kids that you can use. Other parents are troubled by the same things you are, you can find encouragement talking with others about it. You can also work together and offer positive opportunities for your students.
Almost 70% of high school and middle school students say a parent today should encourage teens to wait until marriage to have sex. Parents your kids want to hear from YOU! Talk to your teen, not just once a year or once a lifetime, but daily. Take teachable moments and discuss what is happening right then. Instead of burying your head in the sand, say: "Did you see that?" (you know they did) "What do you think about that?" Be honest with them about the dangers and joys of sexual relationships. Not all sexual discussions have to be centered on NO! Teaching them why it's not always NO but sometimes WAIT will give you credibility. Then teach them how to wait.
Set up a safety net for your teen. Pornography blocks on the internet, dating guidelines, (see my favorites below) and accountability will all guide your student in the right direction. As parents, be willing to be the “bad guys”. Give your teen permission to blame you for why they can't go to a date's house and be alone, why they can't watch sexually provocative movies or TV, or why they have to be home at a certain hour. There are times when a teen wants to do right but doesn't have the courage to choose it on their own or explain it to a peer - encourage your teen to blame you if necessary.
Give them another chance. When a student has made poor sexual choices they may feel there is no turning back. Open your arms and heart and allow them to start over. Some call this secondary virginity - that is starting from where they are and making wise choices from this point on. Give them the chance to earn back trust, help them break bad habits, and teach them positive ways to date and wait.
The trend is turning towards smarter sexual choices - join the team in offering your teens the tools to choose wisely.
My favorite dating rules:
- Don't unbutton, unzip, untie, unsnap, un-velcro etc., any clothing item.
- Don't lie down with your date.
- Don't touch anywhere where there is underwear, or is supposed to be.
- When you get married - FORGET RULES 1 THROUGH 3.
Pastor Brad Dyrness
Sparks 1st Church of the Nazarene